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totswrites

Just some random thoughts in writing and I pray they ignite your soul.

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Life

El Roi – The God who sees

El Roi,

The God who sees me!

You see the innermost part of my heart.

My fears, My doubts, My anxieties.

You see all of it, 

You are El Roi.

You are the one who never turns away. 

In moments of joy and sorrow, 

In times of certainty and confusion,

You are there, watching over me. 

 You neither sleep nor slumber (Psalms 121:4),  

Surely you don’t. 

Your gaze is filled with understanding and compassion, offering solace when my spirit is weary. 

You illuminate the darkest corners of my mind, bringing light where there once was only shadow.

El Roi, 

You know me more deeply than I know myself. 

You see the potentials  within me, the strength I sometimes forget I possess. 

You witness my struggles and triumphs, standing beside me through every step of my journey.

Your vision is not clouded by my imperfections, failures, or weakness.

Instead, You see the beauty in my resilience and the courage in my vulnerability.

In you, I find comfort and hope, knowing I am never alone.

You will forever be my El Roi

God, who sees me!

…

Reading the story of Hagar after she fled from the maltreatment of Sarai, her mistress has resonated with me lately. Despite Hagar’s limited knowledge of God, His mercy extended to her because she carried a descendant of His friend, Abraham. As I dived into the story of Hagar and studied it with intentionality, I pondered on God’s ability to see Hagar in her pain. I wondered, if He saw her, why wouldn’t He see me – a Christ-believer with a redeemed identity? If God saw Hagar through her bitterness, anger, and resentment, why not me, a daughter with an inheritance in Christ?

He sees me on those days when I walk in Christ and on the days I fail to reflect his character. He celebrates my victories and observes me in moments of difficulty and unforgiveness. He sees it all.

So, if I am confident that the creator of the universe sees it all, I should be reassured that he will never leave or forsake me. Through the pain, the hardship, the sleepless nights, the weary eyes, he sees it all, ready to use all my experiences for his glory.

This is my newfound bragging right: the God I serve is the God who sees – He is El Roi.

-totswrites ❤️

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When my heart wanders …

When my heart wanders,

And ingratitude seems to cloud my mind. 

Help me to  reminisce about the countless breakthroughs.

When my heart forgets the past,

Bring to remembrance every detail of your faithfulness that I may encourage myself.

Not only encourage myself, but be content in the progress I’ve made by your grace.

Take the scales off my heart

That I might see that the victories are greater than my defeat.

Let me be reassured that you’re for and not against me.

When my heart wanders,

Help me never to forget who you are.

– totswrites ❤️

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In The Quiet …

In the quiet, 

He whispers, Leading the way.

In the stillness,

He murmurs, giving guidance.

In the unknown,

He directs, ordering the righteous along his path.

In the anguish,

He comforts, lightening the burden. 

In the doubts,

He reassures, providing certainty and confidence. 

In the chaos,

He brings peace, calming our hearts 

In the confusion, 

He brings clarity, realigning our thoughts.

In the waiting, 

He orchestrates, bringing to pass each promise he made. (Joshua 21:45)

–totswrites ❤️

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I Don’t Have to Know!

Sometimes all I wish is a clear picture of my life.

Just like a movie, I wish I could predict each scenario, phase, and outcome.

Thoughts battling in my head and wishing I could just get a glimpse of my future. 

What will happen in the next minute, hours, or days.

I just want to know!

And as I begin to ruminate on my intentions;

I ask myself, why exactly do I want a clear picture of my life?

Why do I want to know the future right in the present?

And I realized, it is my selfish and never-ending wants.

The quest for a perfect life filled with zero mistakes

What fun is this?

What fun is in life with knowing the unknown before it happens? 

Yes, it could do some good; 

However, this teaches me to trust!

Not in my abilities, strengths, and past successes,

But trust in someone and something much greater than myself.

When I know it all, pride may consume me and then I’ll seize to trust in the one who made the universe.

 I start playing god by manipulating my life to fit my desire and not his. 

So I resolved within myself that I just have to trust in the only one who can give me peace in the unknown and give a clear picture of my life. 

I don’t have to know!

However, just like David, I should be confident that “the Lord will work out his plans for my life – for his faithful love, endures forever.” (Psalms 138:8)

-totswrites ❤️

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In the Midst

In the midst of the clouds,

With darkness overpowering my soul.

I’ve learned to trust

Trust in the one who gives hope

Hope for a future.

A future with no regrets.

A future with peace of everlasting joy.

In the midst of the clouds,

Have learnt to trust my savior.

…

…

Clouds- A state or cause of gloom, suspicion, trouble, or worry.


Most often than we realize, life comes with a lot of clouds. Troubles, moments of darkness, and thunderstorms are sometimes inevitable. Still, amid the clouds that overshadow us, we are pruned to trust not in our strength but in the supernatural power of Christ. He prunes us, refines us through the clouds, and channels our desire to fit his while being rest assured that he works ALL THINGS for our good.

So when the next cloud comes with a mixture of thunderstorms and lightning, be sure that the creator of the universe will brighten your clouds, bringing a supernatural downpour of rain with a lot of clarity.

❤️❤️❤️

–totswrites

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The Ultimate Price


Today I am reminded of the ultimate price,

The price paid in pain for my freedom.

Many might ask why I find delight in being a Christ follower. 

And I say, only if you knew the sacrifice of just a single man.

The blood shed, the wounds instilled, the bondages carried in form of a cross;

Just for me to have an inheritance in him. 

To live with the assurance that beyond this life on earth, there is a home awaiting me.

A home filled with treasures, pain free, a crown of life, and an eternity of worship.

I look forward to this day. 

But for now, I’ll be forever grateful for the ultimate price of love! 

Happy Resurrection Day!

Tetelestaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 

It is FINISHED. 

-totswrites

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When was the last time you forgave YOU?

When was the last time you forgave YOU?

Forgave yourself of your past flaws, your  failures.

When was the last time you told yourself,

“I am Sorry”

Sorry for the past mistakes that has caused you guilt and shame. 

Sorry for dwelling in your errors that has caused you pain.

Many times we linger in our shortcomings preventing our true liberation.

We wail and cry in regret, forgetting our victories are greater than our defeat

While neglecting the promise, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

So rise up from your humiliation

Your past doesn’t define you. 

Your past doesn’t determine your present and neither your future possibilities.

Take the shackles off your feet.

Forget the lies you’ve caged your heart in.

Mercy calls your name.

Grace is beckoning to you. 

And your freedom awaits you. 

It’s time to forgive YOU.

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Fairy Tale the World told Me.

 

Growing up, Disney was my favorite channel. I could name lots of shows that surrounded my childhood. Oh, The suite life of Zack & Cody, Wizards of Waverly Place, Good Luck Charlie, Austin & Ally, A.N.T. Farm, Hannah Montana  OMG! So many. You can tell I was a Disney freak. Let’s not forget the Evergreen movies, Cinderella, Beauty & the Beast, Snowhite, Shrek, Princess and the Frog. These movies were a significant part of my childhood, and I would say imaginations and fantasies from my favorite movies/shows lingered unto my adulthood. It formed my idea of a relationship. How a relationship should be, the do’s, the don’ts and the so-called happy ever after. I guess I got it all wrong. There isn’t any happily ever after. I got scammed. 

So what am I trying to drive at? What is my thought process and intention? Well, let’s say last night I had an epiphany; romantic relationships aren’t a fun ride. There are times I want to quit or strangle my partner (not literally) or maybe walk away for a quick moment or probably a lifetime. That might seem straightforward if I wasn’t in a committed relationship or especially if Christ wasn’t in the center. I guess it’s inevitable now and I have to go back to the source and author of relationships.

In our world today, we have an alarming rate of broken relationships between couples, parents, and close friends. Why? Because most (I fall into this category) think relationships are responsible for our happiness. At a young age, I believed once I started dating, there will be an end to my insatiable wants, and all my worries will suddenly disappear. Or maybe there will be a fairy godmother to make my world perfect. I am older now, in a committed relationship with someone whom I adore, but I’ve come to figure out this is a myth the media made me believe as a child.

My partner can’t make me happy. He can’t solve my problems. He is just a faulty human who is as broken as I am. He has numerous flaws and isn’t the “perfect prince charming.” The moment I could comprehend this, I realized only Christ could make me content. No boyfriend, No girlfriend, parent, sibling, or friend can fill the void. There are no fairy tales in the real world, no happily ever after. However, when Christ comes first and he is the center of my being: he can fill that emptiness and play the role of a Fairy Godfather. He can make my struggling relationship a happily ever after and turn my annoying partner into the prince charming I’ve always wanted.

I am still a work in progress. All I can say is am glad I wasn’t in my 30s and 40s before I woke up from my imagination. However, I believe this is the first step to breakthrough. With that being said, THERE AIN’T NO FAIRY TALE; ONLY CHRIST can make your imaginations about a “perfect” relationship realistic. 

 

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